The world is the human condition, not something outside – say, the universe, with all the stars. World – this is my condition, because the universe and with all the stars I feel right now inside of his desire. The fact that I perceive within it, called my world. Baal Sulam I feel that the world pushes me from their territory. Another 5-7 years ago it was different. I could someone listen to something to make up, to live in some voluntary privation. Now I can not. To me growing a lump, which is becoming more and more.

I feel the rejection from everyone. Any contact me physically or morally is almost burst with rage. Any items that previously brought pleasure, suddenly faded. Any purchase is at the time of payment is not interested. Do you feel that she disappeared into the great sucking vacuum that is within you, not giving you anything.

Any relationship before it began, ending in the potential. Sex becomes boring. The older you get, the less chance you have to be happy and loved. Not rated for 30-year-old. Why do they when there is a fresh 18-year-old 'meat', which in turn can be morally as you like. If you pay attention, the question immediately arises: "What fascinated by it? My money or an apartment? " The more money you earn, the more you need. The emptiness inside devours everything – all your pleasure, enjoy. And laughs at you because it becomes more and more. Simply awesome. People around the same as me – the selfish, who do not want anyone to suffer and to anyone tolerated. This world has ceased to be kind and welcoming. You do not help neither esoteric nor psychologists, nor religion. But sometimes, in moments of some flashes, you notice that different people, your friends, no acquaintances, talking through the media – talk about the same. They all come to some conclusion, they already know everything. And it slips, as when the subconscious. Does not scare even a funny word 'Kabbalah'. At such moments, you feel the unity, relationship with everyone. Feel even not understand, but it feels that we are one. And some peace embraces you. And then he feels his own evil, because you see their hatred and intolerance towards them. This happens in a flash, and again … obscurity. This world pushes me as if to say: 'That's all, you get nothing here, no buzz. " 'But what can we do? – Mentally I yell. – I can not live in endless depression, I can not kill herself, I can not go into a monastery. I do not seduce alcohol and drugs. I can not! " But who would I yell? Who hear me? Is there another world that will accept me as a favorite child, to love and cuddle? These outbreaks of community and understanding, unity of all – will be whether they are everlasting reality? Is there a world that can fill the gaping void in everyone's heart? I feel like I have. I almost know it. I hope to find him. Marina Fateeva Everything you want to know about yourself and the world …